Don’t Go Vegan Please

Humanity is over-hyped.

Their early work was great: communalism, monumental architecture, writing, mathematics, medicine. All classics.

Their new work however: capitalism, ocean death, climate change and a post-antibiotic era, is all a little too ‘new wave’ for my tastes.

I think we can agree, it’s all gone down hill, both comercially and artistically.

We could try to fight it all but why bother. The death of civilisation is inevitable. I say, we accept our fate and accelerate the process to achieve the utilitarian dream of zero suffering by means of human extinction as soon as possible. If there are no humans, there is no suffering.

So what’s the plan?

Well, if everyone continues to eat fish at the current rate then the world’s oceans might well become bereft of life in the next hundred years. I think we can cut this figure in half if we really try, which is a great start since if the oceans die, humanity dies.

Animal agriculture provides us with a great accelerating mechanism to catapult ourselves into the midst of post-antibiotic era too. If we keep eating more meat then we can get there faster, which is great because if we get there fast enough science might not catch up with good alternatives to antibiotics. Great news for those of us awaiting our inevitable demise!

We can kill two birds with one stone here too since animal agriculture is a major cause of deforestation. If we’re lucky we can destroy the remainder of the world’s rainforests in less than a century.

I know what you’re thinking, “a century? I can’t wait that long!

Well, thanks to capitalism you don’t have to! We can simply eat more meat, providing more demand for it, increasing the amount of animals we breed and the amount of the antibiotics we use, while simultaneously cutting down more rainforests at a faster rate to clear more land to grow food for all the animals we plan to eat. It’s amazing really.

If we really put our minds to it then the utilitarian dream of zero suffering will be achieved sooner than we think… I mean, after a lot of suffering obviously.

Is this cheap reverse psychology? Or is this all a totally serious post-modern approach to veganism embued with the ethos of antinatalism?

Who knows?

Let’s find out together at the end of civilisation.